I’ve just uploaded my audio file for the latest Dead end Podcast, and yet once more it was a bit touch and go whether I’d get there in time to record it.
Its Sunday today and we normally record on the Monday before the podcasts release. For this release we had to record earlier (I can’t remember why, but I’m sure there was a right proper reason) but, in my typically absent-minded fashion I forgot…
So I get online and I’m idly looking around when my girlfriend (yes, I have a girlfriend… Surprised?) asks when I’m recording the next podcast and I suddenly have the profound notion that I should be doing something important.
So, late, I arrive online and the guys call me into their group Skype session (our preferred method of recording for the Dead End Podcasts)… Then, finally, we start the recording.
This week is about Clint Eastwood, actor, film director and all round “Movie Star”, we talk about his good movies (most of them actually) and his bad (ooh, frightening stuff) and his directorial style; but all through it I kept having the feeling of “dumb” that sometime pervades my very essence (read my previous post for a more in depth look at that neurosis).
I’ll let you guys into a not so well kept secret… I think every podcast so far I’ve managed to screw something up. I forget tio press REC (really, I’m that dumb sometimes), or I turn up online the wrong day, or record silence for an hour… or, or, or…
Partly I think its my “swiss cheezed” memory, like Sam Becket (from the TV show, not the poet) but I also think it sometimes has something to do with my perpetual lack of giving-a-shit. I have a shitty attitude, I always have had. In school I remember one year when every single teacher wrote identical notes on my report card:
“Alan would be a good student, if he applied himself and treated the subject with the respect it deserved…”
I think that could easily serve as my epitaph, I expect that when I meet St. Peter (always assuming I’d go that way) he’ll say exactly the same.
So as much as I bitch and moan about the dumbness of those around me, I cannot help but wonder whether the dumbest person I see every day is me looking back at myself in the mirror…